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讲武馆和这个国家开设的所有精英学校一样,是一所以培养幕府官僚——武士为目的的学校。在这里就读的学生大多来自当地中上阶层的藩士家庭,只要他们能顺利完成在这里的学业,就可以借助校长和老师的举荐进入藩府——其中特别优秀且幸运的,还可以得到幕府的垂青,成为中央政权的一员。因此,每逢招生时节,讲武馆的门口总会排起长队,来自当地望族世家的名帖如雪花般覆盖了校长的案头,这些十岁上下的小小幼童们——无论是否意识到——背负着家族繁荣的期望,披星而来,戴月而归,只为在这严苛的国家官僚选拔体制中获得一个起跑的资格。
即使如此,能进入讲武馆学习的儿童仍是当地最少的一小群幸运儿,无论他们家境如何,资质怎样,至少都是拥有“士”这把钥匙的少数精英群体。在桂小太郎还不姓桂的时候,他见过很多人,他们有的没有足够资金进学校学习,有的没有足够天资让自己识字学习,他们夙兴夜寐,辛勤劳作,小心谨慎,唯唯诺诺,只是为了饭桌上的一碗饭,夜晚休息时的一铺席;他们占据这个社会最多的人数比例,却拥有这个社会最少的权利;他们充斥在这个国家的每一处街巷阡陌,历史却始终对他们置若罔闻,他们就是平民——在桂小太郎还不姓桂之前,他也是他们中的一员。
桂懂得平民生活的艰辛,也了解他们的生活哲学。当昨天的他走近松下村塾,听到从道场中传来的偶尔夹杂着几句粗鲁村话的真诚的呐喊和喧闹,他嗅到了一丝亲切的气息——这是讲武馆这样充斥着精致和矫饰的精英学校绝不会有的——一种真诚的气息。决斗是真诚的,对话是真诚的,就连那个白发小孩抱着刀躲在吉田松阳门外佯装不在乎的样子,也是那么地真诚。桂想起奶奶还在世时曾对自己说,武士最重要的就是一个“诚”字。如今身为武士的人忘记了诚,反而是一群不名一文的农家孩子更懂什么是诚。奶奶,你说,这个世道还有正义吗?桂一边看着眼前的《孟子》,一边这样想着。
斜前方的座位空着——高杉又没有来上课。这是第三天了,虽然在老师问起他时自己主动编了个“昨晚蛋黄酱鳗鱼饭吃多了今天肚子痛“的借口,但他也明白,一旦老师和高杉父亲联络,这个谎言就会被轻易戳穿,但自己又实在是没有更好的办法了。高杉晋助,你再不回来,我俩就是十次禁闭都不够关的了。桂小太郎对着眼前的孟子和公孙丑,长长叹了一口气。
桂小太郎的气还没有叹完,高杉晋助便带着挂彩的脸走进了教室,随着他一屁股坐到椅子上而起的,是周围同学的议论,部分好事者丝毫不掩饰自己的幸灾乐祸,似乎故意抬高了音量,说着一些讽刺的话:“高杉那家伙,终于换上和自己出身相配的模样了啊!”桂猛地站起来,朝前排正议论的两个学生大声说:“不以才德论高下,而以位阶去评判他人,也算是对得起你们高贵的出身吗?”
“桂,别跟他们说。”高杉一把拉住桂的手腕,说:“人跟猴子的语言是不相通的。”
“你说什么!”两人中稍微壮些的那一个满脸涨红地站起来,刚撩起袖子准备应战,就被同桌拉住了——毕竟连讲武馆中最冥顽不化的学生,也明白在道场之外的地方私斗的后果。没等桂再回话,老师便走了进来,下午的课开始了。
“你今天又去松下村塾了吗?”回家路上,桂问高杉。见高杉点头,桂又试探地问道:“还是没赢?”
高杉将脸别向另一边,说:“那是因为最后一击时我的鞋滑了。”桂小太郎听完,似笑非笑地答道:“就算是吧。不过至少有一点可以确认——松下村塾确实是一所在认真培养学生的学校呢。”接着,桂扭头盯着高杉,用食指指着自己的脸说:“那你今天又准备怎么跟甚兵卫解释呢?脸上的伤更多了喔。”
“我就说为了赢过你,自己偷偷练后退跑给摔的。”高杉继续面无表情地说。桂却笑了,说:“高杉,你真是一点儿也不会说谎。”
“是吗?看着吧。论计谋我也不会输给你。”高杉撅起嘴表示不服。
“那我倒要看看你的能耐!”桂小太郎突然跑了起来,一边跑一边说道:“高杉君,我先去你家门口待机,等你圆不上谎的时候我这个英雄就会从天而降来救你了!”
“好大的口气!你以为我会落在你的后头?”高杉晋助也加速朝桂小太郎跑去,夕阳下,两个小小的身体在巷子里拉出长长的影子,彷佛提前预知了他们成年后的模样。他们就这样一路你追我赶地跑,一口气跑到了高杉家门前。
“你好,甚兵卫——”桂小太郎扶着自己的腰,刚把气喘匀,一抬头却猛地闭上了嘴。甚兵卫此刻正站在距自己五米远的院内,而站在自己面前的高大男人——
“父亲。”高杉晋助努力克制着自己因奔跑而剧烈跳跃的心脏,规规矩矩地向父亲行了一个礼。
“桂君,感谢你陪犬子回家。我和他有一些家事要处理,今天就先不留客了,请见谅。”高杉当家说话时,脸上没有一点表情,桂知道,自己此时此刻没有任何理由留下来,只好行礼后告辞。
门在桂的身后缓缓关上,在转身的一瞬他瞥见高杉的脸,高杉也正默默无言地注视着自己。多保重啊,高杉。桂小太郎双手合十闭上了眼。
桂小太郎的理想是做一名优秀的武士。当他一边将自己毛边的旧课本装进自制的书包里一边对自己这样说时,高杉知道,他是认真的。自从破格进入讲武馆以来,他没有落下过任何课程,无论是在道场中练习剑术还是在教室里解读《孟子》,他都是同学中的佼佼者。如果不是因为他只是桂家的养子,也许他早就可以被举荐到毛利大名身边了。平时学校里那些对他冷眼以待的人,也不一定都是鼠目寸光,也许更多地只是在嫉妒而已吧。
自己却不一样。自己就出生在一个藩士家庭——虽然只是一个外样大名治下的中级武士,但比起级别更低的乡士和平民,也确是绰绰有余——作为家中长男,日后自然会继承高杉家的士籍。这样的地位,加上祖上积累下来的财富,只要自己没有头脑发热到要去发动星球大战,大概完全是可以斗鸡走马、一掷千金地过完一生的。然而高杉并不喜欢这样,他看着自己身边那些纨绔子弟们,总是感到深深的厌倦——一些连竹剑都不会握的人,长大以后却可以依靠爸爸为自己早早铺设的跑道成为所谓的“国家支柱”,被这样的人所支撑的国家,到底是一个怎样的国家?高杉晋助在心底发出一声冷笑,自己才没有兴趣成为这么无聊的人。
但是高杉也知道,自己做不成桂小太郎那样的人——他的眼中永远有一束笃定的光,任何艰难、挫折、龃龉都无法改变那束光望向的远方。那一天,他看着眼前这个被称为“神童”的桂,阳光浸在他洗得几乎发白的蓝色棉布衣上,将他的身体洇出一轮金色的光圈。他想,自己大概永远不能走向小太郎的远方,但在他走到最终的终点前一直陪着他,这也许是可以做到的。毕竟自己也带着一丝好奇——这样的一个人,会走向怎样的终点呢?
自己的终点会在哪里呢?高杉觉得靠在神社正殿外栏杆上的后背有些硌得慌,于是他试着换了一边身体,继续思考父亲在罚他不准吃饭时顺便布置的作业——“好好想想什么才是武士”。什么才是武士?前几天,吉田松阳说,如果武士需要一个外在的门槛作为某种资质认定,也许那并不是真正的武士。但是,如果没有外在的门槛,是不是武士又该由谁决定呢?陶醉于身份之中,去压制、驱迫他人的高门子弟;屈服于身份之中,一生唯唯诺诺侍奉主人的父亲;迷失于身份之中,不知何为武士又不知为何成为武士的自己……高杉的眼里空无一物,心里翻腾着万丈狂澜,这样的困惑令自己的心如同一只困兽,焦躁地悲鸣着。
高杉晋助正想着,一个熟悉的身影又出现了。意外地是,此刻的桂竟然没有对自己说教,而是在自己面前放下了一排饭团便准备离开。高杉忽然想起,桂在喂上学路上那只流浪猫时也这样。“猫是很自尊心很强的动物,你盯着他看,他会不愿意吃东西的。”当时的桂眨着茶晶色的眼睛,一本正经地说道。原来现在的自己在他眼里就是一只流浪猫啊,高杉不动声色地苦笑了一声。他想道谢,但“谢谢”这个词自己是无论如何也说不出来,于是,他只好说:
“桂,我不是记得你的奶奶已经过世了吗?”
太棒了,高杉晋助,日语里那么多字词那么多句式,你就挑出了这么一句话?高杉暗骂了自己一句,好在桂宽宏大量地略过了这句回答,反过来问道:“你找到什么了吗?”
“什么都没有。”也许这会成为自己一生的缺陷吧,高杉这样想,“但是,我发现自己很弱了。”
“你也发现了?吉田松阳是一个比我们见到过的所有人都强大的人。”桂的声线带上了一丝难以察觉的兴奋,他微张的口彷佛还想说点什么,在他开口之前,高杉抢先喊了他的名字。
“怎么了?”桂小太郎见高杉晋助的脸一阵红一阵白,一副欲言又止的模样。终于,在一片梧桐树叶即将掉到桂的头上时,高杉终于开口说道:“我……一个人吃不完那么多的饭团……你和我一起吃吧。”
桂明白了他的意思,上前几步,坐到台阶的另一边,将一个饭团递给他,说:“没关系,你吃不完,神社还有好几只毛茸茸的肉球朋友呢。”
“搞了半天还是把我当猫了啊!”高杉晋助嘴里包着米饭和金枪鱼,不甘心地说。
“猫猫有什么不好?那可是宇宙顶级可爱的毛茸茸生物呢!”桂嘟起嘴,过了一会儿,又偷偷瞄向高杉,将手伸到他的头顶,轻轻揉了揉他的头发,说:“高杉君也跟猫一样呢,总是毛茸茸的——不过总是一不小心毛就竖起来了。”
“才没有!别把我说得那么幼稚。”
“不是幼稚,是可爱。”
“别说我可爱。”
“你害羞了?”
“才没有。”
“但是你的脸红了诶。”
“那是蛋黄酱吃太多上脸了!”
……
太阳渐渐西沉,两个人的对话还在有一搭没一搭地继续,紫金色的晚霞披在他们的身体上,便把一切都染成了紫金色。桂小太郎的头发、睫毛、鼻尖和嘴唇上,都浮上了一层薄薄的微光,随着他的动作浮动、跳跃、闪烁。真是个很好的人呐。高杉一边嚼着金枪鱼蛋黄酱饭团,一边在心里想。这个即将进入黑夜的世界,并没有注意到在这个小小神社中发生的事情。
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